change Archives - Michelle Hargrave

Change is constant, especially on Remote Year

Michelle / February 14, 2018

As we left Bogota behind and headed to Mexico City, I was excited. Yes, it meant the final month of this year-long adventure, but it also meant I got to see friends from home! I’ve been meditating with a group of ladies for almost five years and we have an annual ocean retreat. This year we chose Ixtapa – a quick 45-minute flight from Mexico City – which meant I was off to see my friends at the beach! I only had time to unpack my suitcase, repack it and head back to the airport. I left the 12 degree chill of CDMX and landed at Zihuantanejo airport and 28 degree heat – yippee! As I walked into the resort I heard my name and turned to see my friend Edleen approaching. We hugged and laughed and my heart felt calm to be connected with a dear friend again. I settled into our ocean-view room and quickly changed into my flip-flops and bathing suit and headed down to the pool. We ran into the other girls and started the reunion. There were several ladies I knew and some I hadn’t met yet. As the introductions began, I knew it was going to be a good week. After 11 months of traveling and figuring out currencies and finding grocery stores and remembering where I lived, it was wonderful to unplug and not worry about a thing. My toughest decision was beach or pool, strawberry or lime, ice cream or cake (who am I kidding – the answer is always ice cream!) Our relaxing week included daily meditations, book study, breakfasts and dinners together, afternoon naps, and beach walks. It also included poolside silliness, sassy photo shoots, temporary tattoos and dancing on stage. There were midnight swims and all-night conversations, laughter and tears, reflection and dreaming. Exactly what I needed. One of the highlights was a tour to the turtle conservatory! We arrived at a beautiful beach location and were warmly welcomed with a drink as they explained their operation. The eggs are placed in a nest, buried in the sand, and identified with a sign that shows the dates they’re ready. It looked like a giant garden, with sticks identifying each section. In groups of three, we were shown into the nest area, given a bucket and instructions to scoop up four turtles each. They were adorable! So tiny and sleepy and vulnerable. I brushed the sand back as I uncovered each one and gently coaxed them into my gloved hand. Once we each had four, we set the bucket aside and went to dinner while the baby turtles woke up. As the sun began to set, we gathered our buckets – now with very active little turtles – and headed down the beach. They had drawn lines in the sand to indicate a “no walking” zone so we didn’t step on any turtles. Squatting down and saying some last words of encouragement to my babies, we leaned our buckets over on the count of three and released the turtles. Oh, what a sight as 140 baby turtles took over the beach! Like all babies, they had individual personalities. Some turtles took off with great speed towards the water, others slowly made their way along, others took off sideways and some even tried to climb back into the bucket! We cheered as they reached the water, we laughed as some got turned around and then found their way. And then, there was only one little turtle left and he was struggling. He just couldn’t seem to make it to the water. He took a few steps forward and stopped. A wave would come and we’d cheer, but then it left him behind. Time and again the waves came close but not quite enough. After 25 minutes, the staff put on gloves, scooped him up and put him back in his bucket. “He won’t survive if he goes in the water now,” they said. “He’s exhausted. We’ll tuck him in and try again tomorrow.” Oh, my heart went out to the little turtle. What an adventure! I walked away feeling I had just witnessed a valuable life lesson – you don’t have to be the fastest, you don’t have to be first, you just have to try. And it’s okay if you fail – dust yourself off, rest and try again tomorrow. Back at the resort, we laid under an umbrella and Edleen filled me in on all the changes in Kelowna – condos going up, buildings destroyed by fire, restaurants that opened or closed, neighborhood expansions. There were so many changes I wondered how I’ll recognize my city when I get home! I joked and said I’ll need a guided tour (which she gladly offered to provide). Sometime when we stay in one place, we don’t realize that things are changing. But when you step away for a year, you realize that change is constant – whether we see it or not. Others see it. And it made me wonder – have I changed this year? Physically I don’t think I’ve changed – my hair is a little longer but still baby-duck fluffy, I haven’t gained or lost any significant weight, I haven’t got any tattoos or piercings. Emotionally I don’t think I’ve changed – I still cry at movies, my heart melts when I see a baby, I long to love and be loved, and I practice kindness everywhere I go. But mentally I’ve changed – if I’m honest, I know it to be true. I’ve discovered a new way to live; I’ve seen proof that it’s possible to live the life you dream of; I know that people around the world are living a very different lifestyle than most North Americans. I know what it’s

Life, REMOTE YEAR

Finding rhythm when everything around you changes

Michelle / November 7, 2017

I was born and raised in British Columbia, and other than a brief stint in Alberta, I’ve always lived in B.C. One of the things I love about the West Coast is experiencing all four seasons. I know that after the heat of an Okanagan summer, we move into the cool crispness of fall. I know the snow will come but it won’t last long and we’ll shift into the early signs of spring. I’ve experienced this cycle over and over and my body relaxes with the certainty of this knowledge. Living in one province also means you start to know the rhythms of nature during each season. I know when the garter snakes arrive on the Mission Creek Greenway (and don’t walk there then!); I know what time the sun blazes down on Paul’s Tomb and makes the trail too hot to hike; I know you can usually find blue sky on the mountains, even when it’s foggy in town. We take these natural cycles for granted. You don’t even know they are happening – until they change and throw everything out of alignment! I left Kelowna in March, the start of spring, so it felt normal for me to land in Croatia when they were starting spring as well. I flowed along throughout Europe as we moved from spring into summer and gladly embraced the heat of Spain in August. After a month of 40 degree days, my body was ready for the gentle ease into fall. After all, this was the cycle I’ve experienced by whole life, this was all I knew. But our itinerary was to leave Europe and head to South America in September. South America – that’s warm, right? Oh no – South America is just finishing winter and moving into spring in September! The cold weather was a shock to my system. There was no easing into a cool autumn – we were thrown back in time to do spring all over again. Back to wearing layers, as the weather changes every hour. Back to dark nights, as the sun sets earlier. Back to trees with no leaves. Walking to the post office early one morning (to mail my monthly postcards, which is always an adventure in itself), I noticed kids heading to school and adults off to work. I saw a woman wearing a black cardigan with her dress pants and I got emotional – I was suddenly back home, getting dressed for work and longing for winter to be over. I remember the feeling well – you’re so ready for spring, you pack away coats and pull out dresses, willing spring to arrive. There’s still a chill in the air but you refuse to wear a coat so the little cardigan gets worn every morning (often left at the office as the day warms up). It’s funny – it’s like seeing that cardigan was a signal to my body that it was spring. Things started to click into place and I let go of longing for fall and it’s changing leaves and pumpkin spice. I slowly started to embrace the idea of spring after summer, of buds appearing on trees, of flowers blooming. Although I miss fall (my favourite season), and I know it will be strange to skip winter (I won’t miss driving in snow), it’s a fun, new experience to have two springs and two summers in one year. I don’t know if there is a snake season (I hope not!), I don’t know when the sun gets too hot, I don’t know the signs of a coming storm. But I do know I’m having an adventure and my brain and body are working overtime to adapt. Everything is unexpected, everything is new, everything is unfamiliar. And I find the best thing to do is let go, be curious and find your own rhythm as it unfolds.